Fried WikiAll things Food, Diet and Weight Related

I want to feel pretty again. The first picture on the left represents the last time I felt pretty. The picture on the right was taken a couple of weeks ago. There’s about a 50 pound difference between the two pictures. I think I’ve had a lot of confidence growing up, because I always had boyfriends, or was given attention based on my appearance. At some point, I became invisible.

If you’ve always been invisible, then you may not understand that feeling of once being looked at, and missing that. I can walk into a store or a restaurant, and not one head will turn my way. Okay, well, maybe the senior citizens who forget to put their glasses on…I’m scoring some attention from the 70+ and over crowd.

It’s shallow, I know, but I want to like what I see again. I want to become visible once again, and turn a head once in awhile.

Don’t get me wrong, my self-confidence doesn’t rely on it, but it has taken a hit over the last 5 years. It’s my fault, I got myself in this predicament. This is where I am now, and it’s okay. I’m working on it and making strides.

I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m hoping next year that I can feel pretty again. I miss pretty…and I miss others seeing me as pretty.

I grew up being “the smart one”, while my sister was a knock-out. My boyfriends would come home with me, and end up with a crush on my sister. Ah, sibling rivalries….I want to be “the pretty one too”. Don’t let me impress you with my knowledge, let me stun you with a pretty face. I’m allowed to be shallow right now, I’m 100 pounds over weight and it’s my party to cry at.

The thought of losing all of this weight overwhelms me some days, but mostly right now, I just feel good. It blows my mind I’ve spent the last 20 years over weight. Even in the picture on the left, I was a good 180-190. Somewhere over 220-230, I got sloppy fat. The kind of overweight that you just can’t hide that shit anymore. See before that, you can fool yourself….it’s not about fooling others. It’s about fooling your own brain into believe you still look okay. I stopped fooling myself, and now I want to look good again.

So this is what 40 is looking like right now, the other picture, was about 33 or 34. I want to know what 41 is going to look like. I want 41 to blow me away.

I’m plugging along, but some days I feel things more than others. I can feel great 13 days in a row, then on day 14 my head starts messing with me. Can you tell that today is a day 14?