Fried WikiAll things Food, Diet and Weight Related

I wrote a long post yesterday, and when I went to publish it, the computer ate it…whooosh, it was gone. I hate that. I didn’t have it in me to write another one at that moment. I was lost in a feeling, and I hope I can relay that feeling with the same intensity that I felt yesterday.

I thought I’d be thinner this summer. Seriously, I though a year would be enough time to get me to my goal. I’m 6 months in, and thought I’d be hitting my first big goal by my birthday in June. I don’t see it happening. I do see my body being healthier, but I’ve had to accept it’s going to take time to get this weight off.

I knew that if I pushed myself for ONE year, very hard, I’d be a new person. I’m half way to that time goal, but I have so far to go in changing my body. It’s reshaping, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that I’ve been a little overwhelmed at the idea that it may take 2 years to get me where I want to be, not one. That’s heavy…and sometimes it plays with my motivation.

I’m going to stick in, because there’s no looking back. I just wanted to like my body more by this point. I will be comfortable seeing myself in the mirror at some point. I won’t hate my stomach forever. My body is shifting and changing slowly, but these are permanent changes, not some quick fix. It took 20 years of misuse to be here, and I want to be done in 1 year? Wow, maybe that’s a reality check. I guess 2 years doesn’t sound so bad right now, it’s just tiring sometimes to think of the amount of time. How did I ignore it for 20 years? How did I just keep going?

Now I want it so badly, it hurts that I can’t reach it yet. One step at a time Deb..one step at a time.