With my caveman mentality, I believed a potato was just a potato.

“How big is your potato?” Danielle asked.

I laughed, it’s a potato…don’t they just come in one size. One potato is a serving size, and I’m having one potato. It’s not a special potato, it’s not a magic potato, it’s just a damn potato.

Guess what? A potato is NOT just a potato.

The red small potato on the left (this particular one) is 4 ounces. I get 3 ounces. The one on the right? In tiny print, where you get to squint to read it (yeah, I’m in my 40’s, maybe you younger kids don’t have to squint) it says 8 ounces. Guess what? I weighed it…it was ACTUALLY 12 ounces!!!!! OH MY GOSH, I’ve been having 4 servings of potatoes with that ONE potato. No fair!

I only had one potato, one serving, like I’d been told to.

Buying a scale and seeing for myself just how off I was has been eye opening. Guess who is back to trying again and this time weighing and measuring EVERYTHING? Yup, that would be me….the girl who almost gave up.

This is what lunch looks like this week. I was struggling with getting back on track when I returned home from vacation. Danielle sat down with me and helped me figure out what to eat this week to get me back on track.

One of the things I’m seeing is that eye-balling and guessing what 3 ounces is, and weighing it…well, WOW! I’ll show you a comparison shortly of what was happening.

While we may hear that a piece of chicken will be about the size of your palm, thickness isn’t accounted for. So in your brain, I was saying, well this is “ABOUT” the right size. Guess what? I was wrong! My portions were too large. I need to actually weigh and measure my foods.

Approximating was leaving me eating too much, and my portion sizes weren’t spot on. Some were better than others, but what a difference a scale makes.

…not in a bad obsessive way though. That’s a good thing! I’m actually coming to a point where I have to make a decision.

I need to decide where to go from here. Where is here? Well, I’ve been working out, I’ve tried different ways of eating, and still here I sit at the same weight, and my blood work results are not changing.

The last two weeks I’ve been thinking about clean eating, low carb, low fat and every other things I’ve done along the way. I decided if none of them are helping me with the weight loss battle, maybe I need to look at the next thing.

I asked myself…If this is the weight I’m at for the rest of my life, and I knew what I ate was never going to have any effect on my weight, how would I eat?

The answer to that, was looking at the next piece of the puzzle. I guess I’d focus on my diabetes and trying to eat better with that in mind. I think on that count, I’d limit my carb intake some. I’m not sure if this is an answer to anything in particular, but I think I’ll be NOT OBSESSIVELY watching my carbs and the GI index with foods.  Every time I think I’ve made a decision, I change it again.

Do I really want to keep adding chemicals to my body that aren’t naturally found in food. I’ll take some elements I learned about clean eating, and drop my carb count…but you know what? I’m not going to obsess over any of it. I’m going to try to NOT think about food, but think about portions, and which option is the healthiest choice at each meal without feeling like it’s a struggle.

It sounds nice in my head, but who knows for sure what that means on the day to day. Will I be able to do this, will I flip-flop back and forth with stuff? I just know that after 1 year of working hard, and still looking quite similar in the mirror, I’m ready to STOP thinking about food so much.

I’m not eating clean this week. In fact, I’m barely eating at all. I’m eating, just not like usual. I woke up Thursday with a sinus infection, along with laryngitis. I felt like crap, and quite honestly, the thing that’s keeping me going more than anything is a large cup of diluted juice.

Yesterday I had some egg whites, and picked at a little bit of chicken my husband cooked up. I also had a bowl of fat free, no sugar added ice cream. The cold felt good on my throat. I tried my smoothie this morning, but things taste funny right now. We cut up some cantaloupe (my favorite), but it tastes weird thanks to my cold. :\ Everytime I eat, I end up coughing anyway, so I’d rather just drink my juice.

Of course, I’m one of those people who has to watch my sugars. I’m taking medication, and what’s interesting is how much of it has sugar in it. There’s a diabetic aisle in some stores now which have sugar free medicine. I haven’t visited it yet. I want my damn Nyquil, ya know? (and Dayquil for that matter)

I’m hoping I only have 2 more days of this yuck until I’m back to normal. Blah…

My trainer is on vaca this week, and I told her I’d sweat 2x while she was gone. Do hot flashes count? I was hot flashing like crazy last night? You’d have sworn it was a fever the way I was sweating, but alas, I knew the difference, it was a hot flash.

I need this to hurry and go away, so I can hit my treadmill or cut the grass or do something before she comes back. I can’t do it sick, but as soon as I’m feeling like myself, I’m going to get moving. The problem is I moved TOO much yesterday, and my husband scolded me, and told me to sit still or go lie down. I wasn’t doing either of us any favors.

Yeah, I guess it’s time to snap back to reality. I vacationed, and I vacationed hard. That’s right, sugar was my friend, I lazed around and I’ll pay for it.

I did work in a few walks, and don’t let it be said walking on sand is an easy task! We did some beach walking, and took a couple walks on pavement also….but it wasn’t enough to burn off the extra calories. It was after dinners usually, so you didn’t have that “UGH” bloated feeling!

I had fried food. I had sugar…and I’m in mourning, realizing it’s back to reality. It’s okay, it’s better for me to eat right…I’ll appreciate it again once I get in pattern.

Back to the trainer on Wednesday, and back to healthier choices.

It was fun while it lasted; I’m not going to lie!

That’s what I feel like saying a lot this week. I’m struggling to stay in my right mind. I’ve been doing so well for so long with what I eat, and I’m hitting a wall since the results are so slow to come. My brain says, I want a break. I want to just not care, not think about every single thing I put into my mouth.

Mostly, it has become a habit to eat well now, and I do automatically make good choices. It’s just, well…old habits want to creep back in. My brain is shouting, “No FAIR!”

Sadly, my “I want it” brain is wrong at this time, and my common sense has to step in.

I hate when I get in these moments…I’m frustrated, overwhelmed and depressed about eating, losing weight and so forth. It’s been a long road, but my walk isn’t over yet. I’ve still got a very long way to go. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other right now, and look at today, maybe tomorrow….after that, it’s all too far away.

When I used to order a salad, it was a chef’s salad or something laden with fat. I’d choose cheese and meats, and load on Thousand Island dressing. It was never “healthy”, even though in my brain, I felt good because I had a salad for lunch. Of course, my salad crammed more calories in it than a Big Mac.

These days, my salads look a little differently.

I made a salad last night, and it really caught me how much my eating style has changed. In my last night’s salad, I had:

Iceberg, Romaine, Baby Arugala, Baby Spinach lettuces

Carrots

Apple

Red Onion

Egg Whites

…and only used Balsamic Vinegar.

I had a great mini-vaca to Florida. I got home last night, and this morning jumped right back into clean eating and keeping track of everything.

I did some good things, and some not so good things on vacation. I chose fruit for a snack on two occasions, but I chose peanut butter cookies twice also.  I chose turkey, took a grilled chicken sandwich off of the roll, and had an egg white omelet, but I also chose to eat a few chips with one sandwich, and chose to add mayonnaise to another sandwich.

I also knew coming home that for 2 weeks, I’ll be keeping track of every ounce of food I eat, measuring, checking, double checking and keeping track of calories to a tee, while we work on figuring something out.

I let go a little more than I should have, but on the other hand, I was surprised when I’d catch myself, and make a good choice again. I was more lax than I should have been, but then I also made some redeeming choices without much thought.

Either way, I’m home now, and back on track. Thursday through Sunday showed me just how easy it would be to get back into the habit of bad patterns I once had on a daily basis.

I’m on my way to Florida this week. I’m taking a mini spring fling with my sister and we’re going down to the Sunshine State for some relaxation, sun and fun.

I’ll have four days of having to choose my food at restaurants, take out, or at the pool deli. It’s a challenge, but I think I’m up for it. I know what healthy choices are, and it’s up to me to take what I’ve learned and use it in any circumstance.

Just because I’m away, doesn’t mean I have to let my intentions slide.

My goal is to have fruit for snacks, make healthy choices and to eat clean whenever the option presents itself.  I’ll let you know how I did when I return.

There are days I get resentful that I can’t have certain foods. I want easy, I want yummy, and I want it now. I’m like a toddler kicking going, “Why can’t I have it? It’s not fair!”

The answer is, I can have it. I can have whatever I want. Choosing those foods that I want are what got me here. Now I’m choosing my health over those foods. I still get resentful some days though.

I was so tired tonight. It was my third big workout this week, and I wanted an easy dinner. I’m exhausted, and worn down. I know that making egg whites is easy, but easy to me is my brain really saying…greasy, sweet, or I don’t know McDonalds, ya know? Why? Old habits…old patterns.

I chose the egg whites, don’t worry. Now I realize it’s head games I have to beat, not the actual food.